Although I am still heart broken, I have to be honest,
I am really excited to find a guy that I actually want. I was really in love with my ex, Nate, and he made me happy (at times), however he never did anything that I wanted in a relationship.
I’m an old-fashioned girl. I believe sex is the ultimate act of love and should be kept for the person you are to marry. I’m a sappy romantic and I love cheesy gestures. Nate was the complete opposite. He thought that not texting me for a few days was fine, or having me pay for dates was perfectly understandable.
But I hate that! I want cute good morning texts. I want love letters, and poems. I want to cuddle under the stars and have him whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I want long hugs and random phone calls just because he wants to hear my voice. I want surprise visits and kind gestures. I want him to be a gentleman and hold doors open for me and push in my chair at the table.
I want a guy that wants me. I want to see that he loves and adores me. I want him to be totally head over heels for me. I want to feel special and wanted and loved!
This time I want him to be a man. Nate was tiny. He suffered from cancer as a kid and went through radiation right as he hit puberty so even though he was 22 his body never grew past 13.
This time I want a guy who is taller than me, bigger than me, stronger than me. I want him to have that crooked smile and deep eyes. I want him to have abs and strong arms and a really good sense of style. I want a guy who is polite and kind to others and above all I want a guy who loves God.
Although my heart longs for the past, I’m honestly ready to move on because the future looks so much more exciting. There is a better guy out there who can show me what is really feels like to be loved. All I have to do is be patient for him to find me.
u know yr fucked when someone is so fine u can’t even look at them directly u gotta glance at them out of the corner of your eye like yr lookin at the sun
You know the saying “cheaters always cheat?”? Well I didn’t believe it until today. My boyfriend of 5 months at the time was caught texting/flirting around with a few girls from some online cite called Meetme. Nothing physical happen between him and the girls but it still caused enough damage to drive us apart for more than a month. As the pain started to fade and the longing began to take its place I decided to give it another go with this boy. He was sweet, charming, attractive, and had his own motorcycle. I was deeply in love with him. It was so strong that I could picture myself marrying him. Up until today that is.
After our incident some months back I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Was he still texting other girls? Was he still being disloyal? I confronted him a few times but he always assured me that it was me and only me he wanted. He told me I was the love of his life. His everything. The one he wanted to marry. He did sweet gestures and made sure to surprise me on a down day. He took care of me when I was sick and always offered a hug when needed. His lips were warm and his eyes were endless. His hair always turned me on whatever it was a messy bed head or styled with gel. I loved the way my hands fit in his and his smile melted my heart. I felt safe with him. I felt wanted.
However, that nagging feeling was still bothering me. The past two days I haven’t seen or spoken to him since he came over to take care of me while I was sick. I figured he was working, or sleeping, or doing both. But the nagging sensation drew worse to the point were terrible thoughts came into my head. I couldn’t take it any more and decided to see if I could guess his password on Facebook. Finally after trying everything I decided to type in one last guess. “I love rachel”. It worked. I was in.
I hesitated but knew I need to look at his messages. That is when I found out he was seeing another girl. Lizze. She a 18 year old, glasses clad girl, fresh from high school. All the days he was ignoring me he was texting her and babying her. He said he loved her and he couldn’t go a day without thinking about her. He said she was the one and his everything. All the attention I wasn’t getting from him was going to her.
I knew I had to send that girl a message. She needed to know, and in fact she admitted in surprise that she had no idea I even existed. I was just a friend if anything to him.
After confronting him in tears he turned against me trying to make the whole problem my fault for reading his messages. Not once was a single sorry spoken by him. He said we were nothing but friends who were dating and in order to make sure I was the one he wanted he needed to date around with other girls.
Now I’m not a genius but I know that is not what dating is.
In the end I am left broken heart and tear stained. The boy whom I thought could be the love of my life didn’t even give me half of his heart for the 8 months we had been together.
It hurts because it’s been twice that it has happen. Twice I had to go through the same exact situation and the same exact pain.
I know this is a lot to read I just needed to put my thoughts into words. Much prayers and kind words would be appreciated from my many followers.
And I’ll leave you with this one last bit of information…..always remember that when people say “cheaters always cheat” they are speaking the truth.